- Knowing it’s a little cheesy to be writing this list and doing it anyway.
- Happy place #1: back of the white pick up truck, sun and wind on face, tunes flowing, ridin’ dirty by the sea.
- Embracing my introvert self and not apologizing for her anymore
- Dramatically different from my younger self’s imaginings
- Putting away the negative self-talk, maybe for good this time. At 50, I can almost imagine how contentment and deep gratitude might feel. I never allowed myself to hope Contentment could play more than a bit role in my life; now I know it’s possible.
- Being part of a group that exercises together for a whole year now. Am trusting the process and praying to make it through each class.
- Slogging slowly through life’s great “change” (read: peri-menopause). There are so many young hormones flying around my house, I have no clue when I’ll see the other side.
- Learning to love the in-between.
- Speed isn’t everything. I don’t have to keep up to measure up.
- Experienced but not yet outdated.
- Realizing living for other’s approval is no way to live. The only opinion that matters belongs to the One in whom I live and breathe and have my being.
- And this One calls me beloved.
- Cherishing those moments when all our girls are together and just being sisters.
- Cherishing the chaos of us all together, voices lifted in a gorgeous cacophony of family.
- Cherishing the quiet when it comes, slow and deep.
- Grateful for a mister who patiently and willingly hears for us both. He makes sure I don’t miss too much. He respects that I sometimes need the comfort of my quieter world.
- Softer and rounder than I had hoped. Truth is the truth. The approval was never coming anyway.
- Realizing as long as life is, it’s really a breath.
- Deeper and better sleep. Yes. Apparently, I snore. This is embarrassing, not fatal.
- Slightly less frenetic, and, accomplishing enough, every day.
- Remembering it’s important to BE healthy if I want my littles to be healthy.
- Beginning the beginning, again.
- Surviving because and in spite of trauma.
- Smiling for the camera, knowing the kids will appreciate the photos.
- Married 20 years. Still in love.
- Knowing some things really are better left unsaid. Others are too important to not say. Grace abounds.
- Surprised that “50ish” accurately describes me.
- Intimately familiar with chronic pain, physical and otherwise. Instead of losing time uselessly chasing Pain away, I now live in front of and beside it, leaning in without wallowing out.
- Happy place #2: sitting in an Adirondack chair; wrapped in blanket; feet propped before fire; tribe gathered.
- Committed to speaking truth and trusting it.
- Determined to age with dignity and grow in integrity.
- Believing and, hopefully, teaching my children and patients they are capable of anything they both want and are willing to work for.
- *of note - the above is a 2010’s extrapolation of an 1980’s mother uttered mandate: “Abigail, you can do and be anything you want in this life, so long as you can support yourself and any children who may come along in the manner to which you are accustomed.”
- Relishing books and stories, and desperately wanting somehow to share my own.
- Candles and cozy and quiet.
- Not 26. It is 24 years away from 26; thank goodness. 50 is also not 13, and thank God for that.
- Kindness matters, this I know . . .
- Recognizing life is a trek, and excellence is to be striven after rather than achieved.
- Riding the waves.
- Hearing my voice, and learning to speak it.
- A few tattoos in and at least one more to go.
- Perhaps more interested in learning than ever before.
- Celebrating, not bemoaning, mid-life.
- Honoring friends
- * for raising a special needs child with so much love he has no doubt just how special he is
- * for completing a 500 mile pilgrimage ALONE.
- * for working and chauffeuring and managing and herding, and keeping head above water.
- * some days? Getting out of bed counts as heroic.
- Taking time rather than hampster-in-a-wheel hurrying life away.
- Bearing up under impossible loss.
- Aware of more similarities among us humans than differences.
- Joyfully surprised so much more often by love than by hate.
- Happy place #3: watching the marsh while rocking on porch; sheltered by tin roof; comforted by whir of overhead fans.
- A BIG birthday, I suppose. 27 was another. I was on my own for real. I was alone. I thought I was growing up. At 50, I realize I’m growing young.
- Grateful.
